Avoiding Divorce I. Introduction A. Divorce is a rampant plague in our nation 1. the statistics are unbelievable-- the odds are that 1 out of every 2 marriages will fail! 2. there seems to be no social stigma regarding divorce anymore 3. there are some who have been divorced and remarried 3, 4, or even 5 or more times! B. Many relationships these days in the world do not even enter a "marriage" state-- people just live together until they "fall out of love" 1. that way, no messy divorce problems! 2. when you're done, just pick up and leave! C. The cost to society is enormous 1. the prevalence of single parenthood has led to many social ills 2. children often bear the emotional brunt of a divorce 3. the pain and suffering inflicted continues long after a divorce is finalized D. The mess that divorce causes has infected the Lord's people 1. the spectre of divisions over divergent beliefs on marriage, divorce, and remarriage looms large 2. a multiplicity of theories that are mutually exclusive 3. great spiritual heartbreak is occurring and will continue to occur E. All of these ills-- societal, familial, spiritual-- are completely avoidable 1. when marriages stay together, there is no need to worry about divorce 2. just as with medicine, the matter of MDR is easier to prevent than to cure 3. let us examine the Biblical truths about avoiding divorce II. Divorce Represents Existence of Sin A. Why ought we avoid divorce? B. God hates divorce-- Malachi 2:16 1. it would be good for us to understand why God hates divorce 2. after all, He has allowed it for sexually deviant behavior C. Matthew 19:4-6 1. Jesus establishes that God joins a man and a woman together, and such ought not be separated by man 2. Note that Jesus does not say that man cannot dissolve what God has joined, but that he ought not D. No matter what, divorce represents the presence of sin 1. If a divorce is done for reasons other than sexually deviant behavior, then the divorce itself, being the separation of what God joined together, is sin 2. If a divorce is done for reason of the spouse's sexually deviant behavior, the divorce itself is not sinful, but is done because of the sin of the spouse, who, by becoming one flesh with another (1 Corinthians 6:16), has separated what God joined E. We can see that divorce, even if done for the right reason, still indicates that sin is present 1. sin always brings forth suffering and pain, and sexually deviant behavior or improper divorce certainly causes that pain and suffering 2. we are to abhor evil and cling to what is good (Romans 12:9) a. divorce, being sin or the recognition of the presence of sin, is evil b. marriage, having been instituted by God, is good c. let us avoid divorce and cling to marriage F. Some attempt to justify divorce for reasons other than God's 1. I am sure that most of us, if it were up to us, would have a list of acceptable reasons of divorce that are longer than 1 item 2. physical, emotional, or mental abuse; abandonment; perhaps many more 3. We, however, have no authority; God does 4. God has given but one reason: sexually deviant behavior 5. to justify any other form of divorce is to justify sin 6. let us heed Hebrews 10:26-31 G. Divorce, then, ought to be avoided at all costs H. Let us see how we may do so III. Avoiding Divorce: Before Marriage A. Perhaps one of the best times to begin to avoid divorce is, ironically, before marriage 1. one is still in the process of choosing a mate 2. knowing what to look for is essential B. The best way to avoid divorce is to not even consider it to be an option 1. marriage vows as written today, and the truths of the Bible, speak of marriage as "till death do us part" 2. if you do not take that vow seriously, you won't work to make it happen C. It is essential to choose a partner that will be as committed to the relationship as you need to be 1. Marriage, along with any commitment or long-term project, comes with few guarantees 2. it is entirely possible that you find a good mate who turns out to be horrible 3. Even though this may be true, one still must look for a partner who is also in it for the long run 4. they must recognize that divorce is not an option D. This is not an easy thing, but a lifetime of misery can await if the choice made ends up being poor E. What kind of characteristics are good to look for? 1. Spiritual commitment a. we're not commanded to marry Christians, but being unequally yoked adds strain to the relationship (2 Corinthians 6:14-15) b. after all, if s/he will not commit to the Lord, how can you know that s/he will stay committed to you? 2. Ability to communicate 3. Responsibility 4. Desire to improve relationship F. Are any of these foolproof? Unfortunately, no; but they can go a long way to avoid divorce IV. Avoiding Divorce: During Marriage A. When the vows have been said, the real work begins 1. marriages are work 2. there is a constant concern to please the spouse (1 Corinthians 7:33-34) B. The main theme remains true: the best way to avoid divorce is to not consider it an option 1. Humans naturally look for "outs"-- ways to remove oneself from difficult situations 2. divorce, thanks to its prevalence in society, is always a temptation to the Christian 3. If one considers divorce an option, the odds are high that one will get a divorce if difficulties crop up and persevere 4. If divorce is not considered an option, however, one recognizes that the only way to handle the difficulty is to get through it and move on 5. such normally leads to a strengthening, not a weakening, of the relationship C. We must avoid the fallacy of "love at first sight" 1. Society maintains a fallacious view of love, that two people can immediately make an emotional connection and such is enough to maintain a relationship 2. The emotional feeling of love seems to have trumped all else a. some rewrite their vows, conditioning the marriage on "as long as love lasts" b. Such dooms marriages to fail! 3. The fallacy of this type of thinking is manifest in a recent case a. "Brad and Jen" b. after all, if marriage is based on superficial appearances, physical impulse, and chemicals, that marriage should have worked c. yet it is now terminated, after only a few years 4. The problem is that the emotional feeling-- lust, "infatuation"-- is not "love" 5. Ephesians 5:25, Titus 2:4: why would God need to command husbands and wives to love one another if it were automatic emotion? a. love has to be developed b. one must determine that they will love their spouse 6. How can we do these things? a. the easiest way is to look at 1 Corinthians 13 b. remove "love", insert your name, and make its object your spouse c. "I am kind to her, I am patient with her..." etc. d. are these statements true? e. Work so as to make them true, and you have learned to love your spouse C. Spouses must grow together 1. as we all age, we all change 2. two people can either grow together or grow apart 3. in order to grow together, you must be together, and share your lives together, and make it work D. For marriages to be at their best, both spouses need to work at themselves and the relationship 1. it is not only the other person's job to make everything better 2. even if your spouse does nothing, you still must do your best 3. you ought not wait for your spouse to begin working on the relationship, especially men, who are to be the heads of the house (Ephesians 5:25-31)! E. Marriages that work do best at avoiding divorce V. Conclusion A. Divorce is a major problem in our society 1. it causes untold pain and suffering 2. it has led and is leading to spiritual division 3. it always represents the presence of sin B. The entire matter can easily be avoided 1. if you avoid divorce and remain married, that sin is kept away 2. we need to avoid sin and cling to what is good! C. We must work to avoid divorce 1. we must never consider divorce to be an option! 2. partners must be chosen in part because of a willingness to commit for life 3. when married, we must work to maintain and better the relationship D. Marriage is a lifelong commitment...have you made a lifelong spiritual commitment to God? 1. just as we are to avoid divorce in marriage, we must not be divorced from our God! 2. If you have never obeyed Him, making that spiritual commitment, we would like for you to consider doing so now 3. If you have initially obeyed the Gospel, yet have not kept to the commitment well, or need encouragement in maintaining that commitment, please allow us to help you 4. come to the front as we stand and sing