Divorce and Adultery Can Any Put Away Person Marry Another? I. Introduction A. The vast numbers of divisions over issues relating to marriage, divorce, and remarriage represent a great tragedy in the church today 1. There are all kinds of permutations of doctrine 2. It would seem that it would be impossible to figure out the truth because of all the different doctrines! B. Perhaps one of the most prevalent, least understood, yet most dangerous doctrines is commonly called the "mental divorce" position 1. The terminology involved often confuses people, and it can be made to sound rather enticing 2. Furthermore, there are many variants of the mental divorce position 3. Unfortunately, many an influential evangelist has advocated this doctrine, and few seem interested in exposing this work of darkness because it involves many good friends 4. Nevertheless, let God be true and every man a liar! If it is not right, then we should not accept it nor those who advocate it! C. It is important, then, for us to examine the various forms of the mental divorce position and establish what the Scriptures say in these matters II. Understanding the "Mental Divorce" Spectrum A. Before we begin to analyze the various tenets of the various beliefs included under the "mental divorce" umbrella, we must understand the spectrum of mental divorce B. On one end, we have the "mild" form of mental divorce 1. The "mild" form of mental divorce posits the following: if a spouse having committed porneia begins the civil divorce procedure yet the spouse against whom the porneia was committed counterfiles and is granted the civil divorce, the latter spouse can marry again 2. In situational terms: John commits adultery against Mary, and files in court for a divorce for no good reason. Mary counterfiles, and the judge grants Mary the divorce. The "mild" form of mental divorce would say that Mary can marry another C. There is also the "medium" form of mental divorce, one that demands porneia to happen before a civil divorce 1. The "medium" form of mental divorce goes a step further: if we still have a spouse committing porneia, and yet the other spouse is not aware, and the spouse committing porneia files for divorce for no good reason, and later on the spouse against whom the porneia was committed discovers the porneia, that spouse can turn around and "divorce" the offending spouse and therefore marry another 2. In situational terms: John is having an affair with Sue against Mary. John files for divorce from Mary for no good reason, and is granted the divorce. John immediately moves in with Sue, and Mary recognizes that John had previously committed adultery with Sue. Mary then informs the church that she is putting John away for his adultery. The "medium" form of mental divorce would say that Mary could marry another D. Then there is the "extreme" or "classic" form of mental divorce, one that does not have any demands of previous porneia 1. It is also called the "waiting game," for that is what it ends up being 2. The "extreme" form of mental divorce establishes that if a spouse, for any reason, divorces their spouse, and later on marries another person, the spouse who was put away can turn around and "divorce" their spouse and marry another 2. Situational terms: John gets tired of Mary and divorces her for no good reason. Three years later, John meets Sue and marries her. Mary says that now John has committed adultery, and therefore Mary informs the church that she has "divorced" John for his adultery. The "extreme" form of mental divorce would say that Mary could marry another E. These beliefs are characterized as "mental divorce" because more often than not they require one party to divorce their spouse without civil sanction or any form of paperwork, and therefore the divorce is putting away mentally F. Having established the nature of the "mental divorce" doctrines, let us look at what these doctrines require and whether the Scriptures teach as much III. The Difficulties With "Mental Divorce" A. Divorce 1. For any "mental divorce" position to work, one must define divorce in terms of "legitimate" and "illegitimate" divorces, and posit that "illegitimate" divorces are not recognized by God in any form a. this is the pivot of the mental divorce concept: it requires any divorce save for porneia to be really invalid, so that even though the court may consider them divorced God still considers them to be married. Thus, when the active divorcing party marries another, the passive divorced party can then put away their spouse and God will recognize that marriage null and consider the passive divorced party to be, in reality, the active divorcing party b. is this what the Scriptures teach? 2. There are significant problems with this view of divorce 3. Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 do not support this view-- mental divorce would make the exception the rule a. let us look at these passages without the exception clause for a moment b. "whoever divorces their wife and marries another commits adultery" c. how could Jesus speak in terms of "divorce" here if indeed neither God nor Jesus recognize such as really being a divorce? d. "except for porneia" is exactly that, the exception clause! e. the text assumes that the normative divorce is not for porneia f. therefore, the mental divorce position would indeed make the exception the rule! g. how can we say, then, that it is only a divorce if it is for porneia when the text assumes that such represent the exception to the rule? 4. Likewise, neither Matthew 5:32 nor Matthew 19:9 define divorce in that way a. Neither text-- nor any text in the New Testament-- defines divorce in terms of legitimacy or illegitimacy b. judgments of legitimacy or illegitimacy are man's interpretation based on the consequences of divorce c. in the text, divorce is divorce is divorce-- there is no distinction made between the nature of divorce on account of its purpose d. the only distinction is the text is the consequence of the divorce based on the purpose of the divorce: if the divorce is for porneia, one can marry another without sin; if the divorce is for any other reason, any future marriage to another is adultery e. there is no distinction, then, between "kinds" of divorces; the purpose of the divorce leads to different consequences, but that does not change the nature of the divorce itself 5. We can see, then, that the definition of "divorce" as posited by the mental divorce position is untenable Biblically B. Marriage 1. Another key tenet of the mental divorce doctrine is that man cannot really separate what God has joined, only God can, and God only does when porneia is committed a. this is why the couple can be considered still married even though a divorce has been obtained b. is this what the Scriptures teach? 2. The text in Matthew 19:6 does not teach this; in fact, it teaches the opposite a. "what God has joined let not man separate" b. the Greek is not in the indicative for the clause of "let not man separate", but an infinitive: "man is not to separate" c. the text, then, does not say that man cannot separate what God has joined, but that man is not to separate what God joined d. It shows indeed that man is able to separate what God has joined-- it is sin to do so, but it is possible! 3. 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 further reinforces that separation leads to a recognized end of the marriage a. Paul establishes that the wife is not to depart, but if she does depart (and "depart" is the same word, in Greek, as in Matthew 19:6)... b. ...she is to "remain unmarried" or to be "reconciled" to her husband (v. 11) c. why would Paul say that she is to remain "unmarried" if she is still "married"? d. Paul's language, therefore, establishes that when the separation occurs, the persons involved are no longer married! 4. We can see, then, that the Scriptures do not establish that only God can separate what God has joined-- man is able to do so a. it does represent sin, but it is possible b. therefore, God certainly is cognizant of and recognizes that man has divorced where He has joined; He does not legitimate said divorce save for porneia, but it remains a divorce nonetheless c. the mental divorce position's definition of marriage, then, is untenable according to the Scriptures C. Adultery 1. Part of the appeal of mental divorce is how it neatly defines adultery, and the proponents will often want to know how there can be adultery where there is no marriage a. after all, how can one commit adultery if one is not married? b. what do the Scriptures say? 2. What is adultery? a. adultery, in its simplest form, is "having sexual relations with one other than your spouse" b. Matthew 5:28 shows Jesus calling looking on a woman to lust as committing adultery with her in your heart c. One also can be said to commit adultery if one is entirely unmarried yet having relations with one who is married (cf. Matthew 5:32) d. in the Old Testament, the concept of adultery is carried over into spiritual terms, referring to the worship of gods other than YHWH (cf. Hosea 1) 3. This is not really in dispute-- the issue, in the end, is how one defines a "spouse" a. for the mental divorce position to work, a "spouse" can only be one to whom you are currently, actively married b. but is that how the Scriptures define a spouse? 4. John 4:17-18 a. the Samaritan woman mentions that she has no husband, and Jesus says she speaks well because she indeed has five husbands, and her most recent is not really her husband b. if the only way one is said to have a spouse is if one is currently and actively married to such a one, how can Jesus speak of this woman having five husbands? 5. Matthew 5:32 a. this passage represents the real Achilles heel of the mental divorce doctrine b. to understand the Biblical nature of "spouse" and "adultery", we must ask: what of the woman put away for having committed porneia? c. situational description: John discovers that Mary has committed porneia against him, and he divorces her for porneia. Can Mary marry again or not? d. Most people, even those who hold to the mental divorce position, would say that the woman put away for porneia and marries another commits adultery, per Matthew 5:32 e. I agree that this is the case: the exception clause of v. 32a does not extend to v. 32b f. yet this begs the question: how is it that she commits "adultery" by marrying another? g. after all, by all accounts, this marriage has been dissolved; her husband can marry another without sin. The marriage no longer exists! h. in the end, however, she was faithless in the marriage and that is how it ended: it is adultery because she would be having sex with someone other than the spouse that God joined to her, and such it is adultery-- even though the marriage itself is no longer in existence! 6. We can see, then, that the mental divorce definition of spouse is not Biblically tenable, and therefore their conception of adultery is amiss a. it is manifest that adultery can occur even if a marriage is no longer active and current! b. one has a spouse once God has joined one in marriage-- even if one gets divorced and the marriage is over, that person is still a spouse, even if a "former" one c. such is how the Samaritan woman had 5 husbands d. and that is how it is still adultery for a woman put away for porneia to marry another even though the marriage is manifestly dissolved D. The Court 1. The mental divorce position tends to emphasize the court a. such persons rail against their perceived opponents as advocating a "race to the courthouse" b. such persons will talk about "guilty" and "innocent" parties, and how the "government" divorces them but God does not c. but is this what we see in the Bible? 2. The role of civil procedure is not present in Matthew 5 or 19 a. when Jesus speaks of divorce, He talks about a man divorcing his wife b. He does not speak about an innocent or a guilty party AA. such terms are loaded and ought to be avoided BB. there is no such thing as a truly "innocent" party in a marriage-- all spouses in some way or another sin against each other CC. the Bible speaks of an active divorcing party and a passive divorced party, and we should be content with that c. likewise, Jesus does not speak of civil divorce vs. spiritual divorce 3. We should follow civil procedure! a. Romans 13:1-5 establishes clearly that we are to obey the governing authorities, and in marriage and divorce matters we certainly should do so b. to entirely forsake civil procedure is indeed sin! 4. On the other hand, we must recognize that Jesus does not import the civil procedure into His discussion a. until the court begins to arbitrarily divorce people, we have no reason to really bring the courts into the issue of whether a divorce is valid or not b. the court is the agent of man: the court only acts on that which is requested of it by men c. no one, then, is divorced by a court; people divorce one another using the court system! 5. Divorces, then, can be established through civil procedure, but such does not require that who the court says divorced whom is exactly who divorced whom a. again, returning to the text: in Matthew 5 and 19, there is no mutual divorce or no-fault divorce b. there are two parties: the active, divorcing party, and the passive, divorced party c. the means by which the divorce occurs is a liberty in this text-- none is specified AA. yes, to avoid violating Romans 13, one should use civil procedure BB. but that does not inherently limit the precise nature of the divorce to that which the court says 6. This means that if a man begins to follow the civil procedure to divorce his wife, and his wife has made no overture to that point of divorcing him, we have to accept that the man has put his wife away, and that he is the active divorcing party and she is the passive divorced party, regardless of how the court will rule in the end a. we do not think that God is limited by what a court says b. after all, if the "mild" mental divorce situation were reversed, and the party against whom the porneia was committed begins the divorce proceedings and the party who committed the porneia counterfiles and is granted the divorced, people would still consider the first party the one who put away the second! c. situational example of above: John commits porneia against Mary; Mary begins divorce proceedings, John counterfiles, the court grants John the divorce. Who divorced whom? d. consistency ought to be demanded of us: if Mary is the one who put John away, which I believe to be the case in the above scenario, then we must believe that John would be putting Mary away when the situation is reversed! 7. As we can see, many make much of the court, much more than the Biblical text does a. the court is only man's agent-- it is men who divorce, not the court! b. all we see in the Bible is a man and his wife, one putting away the other c. the precise nature of how one puts away is left to liberty-- the Bible does not establish it d. while it needs to involve civil procedure to honor Romans 13, it cannot be only understood in terms of civil procedure or limited to civil procedure e. When one party has made it clear-- by verbal affirmation and action, by writing, and most preferably by civil protocol-- that s/he is divorcing her/his spouse, then the parties have been established: the former is the active divorcing party and the latter is the passive divorced party f. once fixed, there is no Biblical indication that it can be reversed! 8. We can see, then, that the issue of the court is simply a smokescreen and does not really get anyone anywhere in the discussion! IV. Can Any Put Away Person Marry Another? A. Now that we have examined the issue of mental divorce, what is the truth from the Scriptures in regard to the passive, divorced person? B. In short, Matthew 5:32: anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery 1. In Greek there is no doubt of whom is spoken: a passive, put away party 2. There is no exception to this rule 3. If the one who marries her commits adultery, then she herself is committing adultery! C. As we have seen, the adultery occurs because she should still be married even though the marriage has been ended 1. It does not matter the reason for the divorce: she should still be married to her husband! 2. If she committed porneia, by her faithlessness she has separated what God joined, and therefore has no right to be joined to any other 3. If her husband divorces her for any other reason, even though she may not have consented to the divorce she should still be married to her husband! a. the mental divorce advocates pull on the heartstrings when speaking of the poor innocent wife against whom the evil husband has terribly sinned and how she is sentenced to celibacy b. while we can have compassion on such a person, we can be confident that all spouses have sinned against one another, and have to realize that yes, some people are going to be divorced "unjustly" and have to remain unmarried or be reconciled to their spouse c. on the other hand, however, the dark underbelly of the mental divorce position means that a terrible spouse who for whatever reason drove their spouse into leave and eventually go into the arms of another by their actions and attitudes would be given the right to marry another when in reality they have no right to such d. such is why we should just leave well enough alone and establish what God says clearly: no put away person has the ability to marry another without committing adultery D. The passive, divorced party has two legitimate recourses: remain unmarried or reconcile (1 Corinthians 7:10-11) E. This is not an easy teaching, and it does mean that many will have to choose celibacy and God or marriage and Satan 1. We certainly should feel compassion for those who have been divorced for no good reason when they were trying to do the best they can 2. Our compassion, however, should not lead us to call good evil and evil good, and call that which is adultery acceptable to God 3. In doing so we do not really help the person in that situation-- we instead condemn them to hell along with ourselves (cf. Galatians 5:19-21) F. Let us, then, recognize God's truth regarding the passive, divorced party V. Conclusion A. We have examined the "mental divorce" position and its difficulties 1. We have seen the "mild," "medium," and "extreme" forms of mental divorce 2. We have seen the definitions of divorce, marriage, adultery, and spouse in terms of the mental divorce position, and have seen why they are Biblically untenable B. We have examined the truth regarding the put-away party 1. We have seen that Matthew 5:32 clearly teaches that they cannot marry another 2. That may not be the easiest truth to swallow, and it does mean the suffering of many, but God be true and every man a liar 3. This is why it is so important to make good decisions when it comes to who you will marry and how you conduct yourself as a husband or a wife C. Let us, then, hold to God's truth on this matter, and reject all that is false D. Songbook/invitation E. If there are any who have need to obey Christ, you have the opportunity to do so today F. Or perhaps you need to make your life right or you simply desire encouragement G. However we can help you, let us please do so H. Come to the front as we stand and sing