Ephesians 5:22-33: Husbands and Wives Base text: Ephesians 5:22-33 I. Understanding Context A. In this part of the Ephesian letter, Paul is giving general counsel for godly living based on vv. 1-2 B. Much is said about avoiding various forms of sin C. More direct context: Ephesians 5:17-21 1. One is not to be foolish, but understand the will of the Lord (v. 17) 2. One is not to get drunk in wine, but be filled with the Spirit (v. 18) 3. The verse we see constantly about the need to sing (v. 19) 4. One is to give thanks to God for all things (v. 20) 5. The need to submit to one another in Christ (v. 21) D. Ephesians 5:21 especially seems to preface the discussion of marriage and has application in the marriage relationship 1. It is not that this verse mitigates a wife's particular need to submit as seen in verse 22; in fact, the marriage relationship is not directly in view 2. "Submission" here is more akin to serving one another, like the example of Jesus with His disciples in John 13:1-17 3. Philippians 2:1-4, Romans 15:1-3, 1 Corinthians 10:24 establish the need to consider the needs of others above ourselves and to help one another 4. We all, therefore, have a need to submit to one another, not to as under authority but to help and serve each other 5. Nevertheless, from this verse seems to come the discussion first of husbands and wives (and Christ and the church, vv. 22-33), then parents and children (6:1-4), and servants and masters (vv. 5-9) 6. There is application, then, to the marriage relationship, and foolish is the husband who never helps and serves his wife at times 7. We must remember that the marriage relationship involves two people working together for the common goal of getting to Heaven (Matthew 6:33); mutual service is therefore a necessity II. Wives and Submission A. The discussion of a husband and wife establishes the need for the wife to submit to her husband (vv. 22-24) 1. She is to submit to her husband because he is considered the head of the house (v. 23) 2. A parallel reason is that as the church is to submit to Christ, its Head, so a wife is to submit to her husband (v. 24) 3. We see parallel verses to this in Colossians 3:18, Titus 2:5, and 1 Peter 3:1 B. Not a popular concept in America 1. The feminist movement has decried the idea of women submitting to their husbands as "patriarchal" and outmoded 2. A picture is conjured up of an overbearing, possibly abusive husband, and a poor little woman who is powerless against him C. This view, however, is not what God expects from the relationship! 1. As we will see, the husband has a great burden to care for his wife as his own flesh and to love her as Christ loved the church! 2. Submission is not the idea that the woman cannot have opinions, or is somehow inferior to men; submission means that the final decision rests with the husband, along with the burden of responsibility for those decisions 3. The soul of a woman is as valuable as that of a man (Galatians 3:28); men and women do have different roles, however, and we ought to respect those roles! D. Submission, then, is not necessarily an easy thing to do, especially if the husband is not living up to his responsibilities, but such is demanded by God 1. The text does not provide an exception for women whose husbands are not Christians or not fulfilling his responsibilities 2. Women are to submit to the decisions of their husbands unless they contradict God's will (Acts 5:29) E. Men are to respect the difficulty of submission and ought to strive to make it easier for the wife to do so! 1. The authority vested in men is not a power trip, but is better viewed as a responsibility 2. Immature men do not understand this; mature ones do III. Husbands and Responsibility A. Paul then turns to husbands, informing them of their responsibilities B. A man is to love his wife as Christ loves the church (v. 25) 1. An awesome obligation-- Christ loved the church enough to die for her (vv. 26-27)! 2. Such love is under discussion in 1 Corinthians 13:1-8 3. Can any of us say that we love our wives according to that text? 4. We all can then know how we can improve! C. Husbands are also to love their wives as their own bodies, that "he who loves his wife loves himself" (v. 28) 1. This is based on the fact that every person loves his own flesh, and that Christ died for the church, and the church is now considered His Body, and Christ would never do anything to hurt His Body (vv. 29-30) 2. Spouse Abuse-- be it physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual-- should therefore never even enter the mind of the husband! 3. Husband: would you want Christ to treat you in the same way that you treat your wife? 4. We must not harm our wives in any way; indeed, we ought to do everything to nourish, cherish, and care for her body and needs as we do our own IV. Concluding Comments A. Paul then quotes Genesis 2:24 in Ephesians 5:31 1. Also quoted by Jesus in Matthew 19:4-5 to demonstrate God's intent for one man and one woman to be married for life (Matthew 19:6) 2. We can understand more about the marriage relationship from God's original intent B. God expects the man (and the woman) to leave father and mother and to cling to one another! 1. While parents often are needed to provide various forms of assistance in life, and many times perhaps children fall on bad times, nevertheless, once a marriage has begun, there ought to be a definite separation between child and parent 2. A man's first responsibility, after God, is to his wife, not to parents! C. The two cling to one another, and become one flesh 1. Two becoming "one flesh" refers to the sexual relationship (1 Corinthians 6:16) 2. Note, however, that becoming "one flesh" follows "clinging to one another" 3. The marriage relationship must have mental and emotional bonds before the sexual one to be the marriage God intends! D. Paul then establishes that the man is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband (v. 33) 1. A good rule for any husband would be to consider: would I do to myself what I am doing to my wife? Would I neglect for myself what I neglect for my wife? 2. It can be easy to neglect the needs and desires of our wives in our self-seeking; this ought not be! 3. The wife is to "fear," or "show reverence" toward her husband; this is the same word so often used to describe how we are to revere God (Luke 12:5, Acts 13:16, etc.) 4. It is easy to disrespect a husband, speaking evil of him, nagging him, etc.; such should not be so (cf. 1 Timothy 3:11, Proverbs 12:4, 19:13, 21:9, 25:24, 27:15)! E. Such, then, is Paul's counsel for husbands and wives V. Conclusion A. We have seen, then, how Ephesians 5:22-33 refers to husbands and wives B. We have seen that wives are expected to respect their husbands and submit to them C. We have seen that husbands are expected to love their wives as Christ loved the church, and to nourish and cherish them as they do their own bodies D. Both are to leave father and mother and be a unit together E. Let us strive to be the husbands and wives that God would have us be F. Invitation/songbook