Dating 101 Who to Date I. Introduction A. It is good for us to spend some time discussing the prelude to the second most important decision that people make in their lives 1. It is of the greatest importance to become a Christian... 2. ...but the choice of whom you will marry is also of the greatest importance 3. Your future happiness or misery is in large part determined by this decision 4. Indeed, whom you choose to marry will often influence your faith, for better or for worse 5. Dating, of course, is the process by which we determine whom we will marry 6. It must be handled with the utmost care B. The question that is before us today is, "whom shall we date"? 1. This is a decision that you are called upon to make! 2. We will look into the Scriptures to provide guidance, but in the end, you are going to have to make your decisions and have to live with them 3. It is very daunting: after all, you are young, and you are being called upon to make the most important decisions of your life when you are least prepared to make them! 4. You have the ability, however, to heed the advice and wisdom of the Scriptures and those in the church who have gone through more experiences, and be able to make good and wise decisions! C. Let us now look at what you should consider when you think about whom to date II. Date to Marry A. Let us begin with a fundamental question: why are you dating someone? 1. Think about that question 2. While you can perhaps think of many innocent reasons, and those reasons may be true to some extent, the real reason that people date is to try to find a suitable partner to marry 3. Dating is the necessary process by which you get to know a person and can therefore judge whether the person is the one you want to marry or not B. Therefore, it is important that you keep this perspective in mind, and not only remember that people date to find someone to marry, but also that if there is someone whom you would never think of marrying, don't bother dating that person 1. First of all, if you have no real interest in that person, you should let them go find someone who perhaps will have an interest 2. Secondly, you never know what will happen, what circumstances might change, and what may happen to you-- you may end up marrying the person, and you might end up regretting it! C. You may be able to think to yourself all the ways that it might happen and may figure out ways to avoid it, but the real problems are the ways that you have not considered but may crop up! D. The best thing to do, then, is to entirely avoid these problems by not dating "just for the fun of it"-- dating and marriage are too important, and we should not play around with the process! III. Spiritual Considerations A. As we remember that we date in order to find someone to marry, let us now look to what we should be looking for spiritually in someone to date B. The big question: date only Christians or be able to date non-Christians? 1. The Scriptures provide no commandment on this matter, but we have the principle of 2 Corinthians 6:14-16 2. We ought to not be yoked to unbelievers 3. In marriage, everything is more difficult in a "mixed marriage" of a Christian and a non-Christian, and more often than not, the Christian is the one who is influenced to leave the faith 4. Furthermore, even when dating, you two are more likely than not to have different beliefs regarding proper conduct in dating, and it will be very hard for you to remain pure 5. On the other hand, one of the best areas of conversions is when a Christian is able to influence the person whom they are dating to obey Christ, and then you have gained a brother or sister! C. What should we say to these things? 1. Marry a Christian-- 2 Corinthians 6:14-16 2. Dating a Christian is safest 3. If one is going to date one who is a non-Christian, they should at least date a person who is at least interested in spiritual things and would be willing to convert 4. The Christian who is soberly considering whom to date ought to avoid anyone who has no interest in spiritual things, for how can you ever really have the same interests if both of you are not going to the same place in the end? D. Consider people who are devoted to God 1. Unfortunately, it is not enough to date a Christian or to convert someone to the faith-- it is best to have someone who is developing well and has the right attitude toward spiritual things 2. If you are considering a Christian, does he have the goal to be an elder, or does she have the goal to be an elder's wife (1 Timothy 3:1-7)? 3. Is the person good at studying their Bible? Are they really trying to be the man or woman that God would have them be? 4. Remember: it is important that you marry a man or woman who loves God more than they love you (Matthew 6:33) 5. Likewise, it ought to be your goal to help your boy/girlfriend to get to Heaven and for your boy/girlfriend to get you to Heaven E. As you date to find someone to marry, remember that your spiritual strength will be highly influenced by your spouse, and you should focus your time on those who will help you be stronger! IV. Earthly Considerations A. We also need to keep some earthly considerations in mind B. It is good to consider if the person is prepared to be the husband or wife they need to be 1. Girls, does the guy you're considering know that he is going to be called upon to support his family (1 Timothy 5:8), and does he have a goal of how he intends to do so? 2. Girls, does this guy know that he will have to love his wife as Christ loved the church, and to love his wife as he loves himself (Ephesians 5:22-32)? 3. Girls, is the guy willing to take the lead of his family and be the head as he is supposed to be (Ephesians 5:23)? 4. Guys, does the girl you're considering believe that her primary role is the keeper of the home (Titus 2:5)? 5. Guys, is she prepared to submit to her husband (Ephesians 5:22, Titus 2:5)? C. Are you on the same page on all kinds of issues? 1. Different people have different ideas about important issues in life 2. Do you both want children? Does the woman want to work? 3. Do you share any common interests? Will you have things to do with one another that you can both enjoy doing? 4. If you both want children, do you both believe in consistent discipline? 5. These are just a few of the many things you should agree on 6. Without that agreement, you will have conflict, certainly if you reach the point of marriage and maybe even while dating D. When it comes to sexual purity, will you both be devoted to remaining pure until marriage (1 Corinthians 6:18-20)? E. After these things are properly considered, then one can really consider physical attractiveness and other superficial features 1. After all, you must remember, people get old and their features change 2. The important things are those that last-- soul, mind, and personality 3. Relationships are happy or miserable based less on attractiveness of the persons involved than the meeting of souls, minds, and personalities F. While the earthly considerations ought to be second to spiritual ones, they do remain of the highest importance! IV. Conclusion A. We have spent some time here examining who the young Christian should consider to date B. We have seen that the Christian should date to find someone to marry C. We have examined many of the important things to look for on the spiritual and physical level D. We must establish, of course, that there are no guarantees in this process 1. A person who would seem like a dud according to our guidelines could grow and mature into an ideal spouse 2. On the other hand, a person who would seem to be the best person to date and to marry could change at some point and become a much worse person 3. We must always remember that we are not entirely in control in this process, but we can do the best that we can and make the best decisions early in life to have a better life in the future E. Please remember how serious this is 1. Determining whom you marry will in many ways determine how happy you will be in life 2. Your spiritual strength-- indeed, perhaps your very soul-- is at stake 3. While the emotional connection is very valuable in a relationship, emotions alone cannot make a good relationship and can lead to a disastrous marriage 4. One must make an emotional connection with one who loves God and will do what they can to get you to Heaven along with themselves F. In the end, that is the biggest concern to have in this whole process: find someone or develop someone to be one who loves God more than you and wants you to go to Heaven as they want to go to Heaven G. Please give this serious consideration!