Grief I. Introduction A. There is an aspect to life that we all endure at various points but concerning which no one wants to talk! B. Yes, it is sad, and yes, it is uncomfortable, but it really is critical for proper functioning in life C. That aspect of life is grief! D. Grief often misunderstood, neglected 1. Society is very uncomfortable with it 2. Focused on life-- death is something that we need to "get over," and do so quickly 3. Not a topic often discussed 4. When people are confronted with it, they do not know what to do! E. Often made worse by well-meaning but misguided people! 1. People often do not know what to say to those grieving, and what ends up coming out of their mouths is often unbelievable 2. Among Christians, some extend 1 Thessalonians 4:13 well beyond its intended purpose and use it to bludgeon those already dealing with challenges of grief F. Grief is something that, if we do not cause it first, we will experience in life! G. What is grief, what do the Scriptures say about it, and what shall we do? II. Grief A. What are we talking about when we speak of grief? B. Standard modern definition: "a multi-faceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond was formed" (Wikipedia) C. Well, what does that mean? D. In short, grief is the process by which a person returns to some level of equilibrium after experiencing a loss E. Normally spoken of in terms of death 1. When a person dies, there tends to be a period of grief for those who loved that person and for whom that person was an important part of life 2. Especially if such a person was a spouse, a parent, or a child, the survivor must now work to establish a "new normal" that honors the memory of the deceased but will allow for functioning in society 3. That work done to establish the "new normal" is grief and the grieving process F. Grief not limited to death 1. While grief is normally associated with death, the process is also necessary in other aspects of life 2. When there is a loss of employment, or a move, or a change in church, a process of grief for the change in relationships, etc. 3. As children grow up, grief for the sense of loss of the various stages that have gone by 4. Even with our own lives, a sense of grief for transitions into new phases of life as past parts of our lives are over G. The grief experience multi-faceted, dependent on a number of factors 1. Discussing grief is difficult because it means so many different things for different people at different stages of life 2. The intensity of grief is dependent on many factors: how close one was to the source of loss, the phase of life in which the one grieving is in, other stresses in life, one's temperament, etc. 3. Some people grieve by crying profusely; others not at all 4. Some people turn inward; others turn outward 5. Some people get angry; others more pliant 6. Some retreat from responsibilities; others throw themselves even more into them H. Thus, there is no "one way" or "right way" to grieve 1. Many people feel burdened by expectations of how to handle grief 2. In reality, as long as grief is being handled and worked through in healthy, positive ways, there is no need to feel so burdened III. The Scriptures on Grief A. The Bible provides many examples of people grieving B. Jacob 1. Tears his clothing, wore sackcloth when he learns of Joseph's "death" (standard ancient practice for mourning; Genesis 37:34) 2. Mourns many days, refuses to be comforted (Genesis 37:35) 3. Years later, when informed of Joseph's life and stature, he is initially numb, but then his spirit revives (Genesis 45:26-28) C. Joseph for Jacob (Genesis 50:1) D. David for Saul and Jonathan (2 Samuel 1:11-12, 17-27) E. David for his child 1. The child of adultery with Bathsheba struck ill-- David mourns while child is ill (2 Samuel 12:15-18) 2. When child dies, David washes himself, goes to Tabernacle; mourned so that LORD perhaps would spare life of child, but since he is gone, continues on (2 Samuel 12:19-23) 3. Comforted himself and Bathsheba; they have another son, Solomon, who indeed lives (2 Samuel 12:24) F. Jesus for Lazarus 1. John 11:17-35 2. Why is Jesus weeping when He is about to raise him from the dead? 3. John 11:33 perhaps tells us-- He is touched by the grief of Mary and Martha, thus grieves with them 4. Isaiah 53:3: Jesus would be acquainted with grief G. At Jesus' death 1. Luke 23:27: women of Jerusalem 2. Luke 23:48: people watching the crucifixion 3. John 20:11: Mary Magdalene H. Therefore, we can see how grieving was part of life for many of the people of the Bible, and there is no condemnation for it I. 1 Thessalonians 4:13 1. What about 1 Thessalonians 4:13? Does it not say that believers should not grieve as others who have no hope? 2. Does this somehow mean that if we grieve, especially for fellow Christians when they die, that we lack faith or are weak or some such thing? 3. Consider context: Paul writing to Thessalonians about the fellow Christians who have died 4. Paul encourages them not to grieve as the heathen Gentiles do-- not an attempt to say that any and all grief is wrong 5. If a fellow servant of God passes on, we have the hope of the resurrection and eternal life for them-- thus, we have comfort regarding their present and future condition 6. The heathen Gentile grieves without hope-- death is the end, no real hope for the future, nothing but misery in store 7. While we can and should receive comfort from the shared hope for the resurrection of believers who have passed on, that doesn't change the fact that their physical presence in our lives is gone 8. We will have to get to that "new normal"! J. Thus the Scriptures do show that grief is part of life, one that is natural and must be endured IV. Handling Grief A. How should the believer handle grief? 1. Grief is a natural reaction-- if you love, you will grieve when the object of love is lost! 2. It is something to best work through and handle-- putting it off or trying to just push it away will not help 3. Take the time that is necessary, but you need not withdraw from your fellow Christians-- they are there to help sustain you through this time (cf. 1 Corinthians 12:26) B. How shall we encourage those who grieve? 1. A good opportunity to let words be few-- the more words, the more likely something incredibly insensitive will be said! 2. Consider the example of Job's friends-- Job 2:11-13 3. Express sorrow for the loss, pray for God's comfort to be with the family 4. But your presence may mean more than anything else 5. In some situations, it would be appropriate to help with cleaning, meals, chores, etc. 6. Remember the person well after the grief-precipitating event C. Grief is a difficult thing to work through and to work with, but we ought to be here for one another as Christians! V. Conclusion A. As there is a time for laughing, there is a time for mourning (Ecclesiastes 3:4) B. If we have not already experienced it, the longer we live, the more we love, the more likely we will experience it! C. Let us prepare ourselves for the time when our loved ones will no longer be physically with us D. Let us be willing to endure the sorrow and pain and to establish a new normal E. And let the rest of us show true strength and encouragement for those around us who grieve F. Let us serve God in times of mirth and sadness, and set our hopes fully on the day when we shall need to grieve no more! G. Invitation/songbook