Male Purity and Female Modesty I. Introduction A. Let us spend some time today in an issue as old as mankind B. There are certain biological factors that are present and cannot be denied C. In particular, there is the reality that men are visually attracted to women D. Likewise, it is also evident that, consciously or unconsciously, women dress in such a way as to attract this attention E. Our society has done little to help men and women in this regard F. It is good, then, for us to consider this matter today G. What are men supposed to do? H. How can women help? I. What guidance can be gained from the Scriptures? J. Let us look into these matters today II. Male Purity: The Problem A. Let us begin first by looking at the matter of men B. With men we are dealing with a biological reality: men are visually attracted to women 1. Men have been programmed to desire women (cf. Proverbs 6:25, Song of Solomon 7:10) 2. Men have a natural tendency to look upon women (Matthew 5:28) 3. In a recent survey distributed among the brethren, both in Norwalk and also to others on the Internet, 77% of men in Norwalk and 95% of those polled online recognize that men are primarily excited by what they see C. There is a reason that men are this way! 1. God has made man as he is and woman as she is (Genesis 1:26-27) 2. Men are made to be visually attracted to women so that each can find the one woman with whom he can be satisfied for life (Proverbs 5:15-19) 3. Women are so designed to be attractive to the man 4. For all intents and purposes, this is the purpose of male visual attraction to women: to be able to find and enjoy one woman-- his wife! D. While a man looking upon his wife and his wife only is ideal, just as with the nature of all sexual temptation, there is always the impulse to look beyond where one should be looking! 1. A man should have eyes only for his wife... 2. ...but yet there are plenty of other women who are attractive to any given man! 3. It seems innocent to peek and to think improper thoughts! E. Society certainly has not helped men in this regard! 1. While it is true that men can lust after women who are fully clothed, the reality is that women who are less than fully clothed are a greater stumbling-block for men in lusting 2. Women's fashion is not covering much up anymore! 3. Worldly women will walk around exposing most everything except the little bits that society still frowns upon showing, and such can be a strong temptation for men! 4. Likewise, society teaches men that looking is natural and that men simply cannot help looking at women and lusting after them F. Is this all the case? Can men help it? G. Men are called upon to help it! (Matthew 5:28) 1. A man is not to look upon a woman so as to lust for her 2. How does this happen? H. Let us consider James 1:14-15 and apply it to our circumstance with men and looking 1. Let us consider the anatomy of this process 2. Look: a woman passes within the eyesight of a man (temptation) 3. Gaze: a man lingers upon the woman and looks her up and down (enticement) 4. Lust: a man then begins to think inappropriate thoughts about the woman (sin; Matthew 5:28) I. Can men help looking? What can be done? III. Male Purity: The Solution A. Men, this sin can be beaten! 1. Is it going to be easy? No! 2. Men are going to have to cast out everything that they've been taught by society 3. Men are going to have to resist doing what they like to do and what pleases the flesh 4. But it can be done! B. Reality check: male eyes will see women 1. It is partly true that men cannot help it: men cannot help the fact that women are going to pass within their eyesight 2. Men will "look" when in that situation... 3. ...but men do not need to take it any further! C. Consider again James 1:14-15 1. Let us consider what men can do to avoid committing sin in terms of looking at women 2. Look: avoid places where you will be tempted a. while it is unfortunate that pretty much every place you go you will face this temptation, you can attempt to avoid places where you will be tempted strongly b. You can avoid going to the Victoria's Secret, or the beach, or other places where you know that there will at least be images of scantily clad women 3. Gaze: you can stop gazing! a. While it may be unavoidable to look, you can stop yourself from gazing b. yes, it will require you to think on your feet and resist natural impulses, but it can be done c. you can work to train yourself to avert your eyes; it won't be easy, it will take a long time to do it, but it can be done! d. if you stop the process at the look, the temptation to sin can be avoided! 4. Lust: you can avoid lusting! a. Even if, perchance, you both look and gaze, you can still stop before it becomes full-blown sin to you b. Resist the urge in your mind to think carnally about the woman c. Especially if you are married, you ought to consider your wife d. What would she do if she knew what you were thinking? Would you want that to happen? e. you can pray so as to not enter temptation f. whatever you do, do your best to avoid the temptation to lust! 5. If you fail, it is time to repent and to confess such to God (1 John 1:9), but do not despair as if the struggle cannot be won-- it can! You just need to keep trying! D. Practical ways to help be pure 1. Job 31:1: covenant with one's eyes a. it would be good for you to make a covenant (agreement) with your eyes not to gaze upon women b. by making that commitment, and by beginning to work to make that commitment a success, you can help keep your eyes and mind where they should be 2. Establish accountability with another brother (James 5:16) a. This would have to be with a brother you trust greatly and in whom you have great confidence b. you can speak to this brother when you are struggling and he can help pray for you, and you can help pray for him c. by being accountable for your eyes and mind it will be easier to do what is right E. The Value of Male Purity 1. There are great benefits of not looking upon women 2. You will not feel guilt that could hurt your relationship with your wife 3. Your wife can have great confidence and trust that she is the one whom you desire (Proverbs 5:15-19) 4. You will not feel the temptation to commit sexual sin as strongly (Matthew 5:28) 5. You can stand before God without sin in this arena! F. Men, honestly consider this matter and do what you can to keep your eyes and therefore your mind pure IV. Female Modesty: The Other Side of the Issue A. Having established the difficulties that men face, let us now speak about women and their role in all of this B. Women, you are the object of this desire and lust 1. As we have seen, this desire and lust is not intrinsically evil, since without it your boyfriend/ husband would probably not be your boyfriend/husband 2. You must recognize, however, that you can represent a stumbling-block to men 3. Women do what they can to be attractive to men, and while this is understandable, women in the faith have the responsibility to not put a stumbling-block in their brothers' ways (Romans 14:13) 4. Yes, it is recognized that there are some times when men will lust for women no matter what they are wearing and women have little power to do anything about it; such things beyond your power should not concern you 5. On the other hand, that which is in your power you ought to be considering! C. Extreme Example of the Problem 1. To provide an extreme example of the problem, let me relate the story of some events that occurred when I was in Turkey in 2000 with some high school students 2. Turkey, of course, is a mostly Muslim country, and therefore the women hold to a strict standard of modesty 3. On account of not really thinking about it, the high school girls were not advised beforehand regarding appropriate clothing in the country; therefore, when we were in Istanbul, the girls wore clothing that they would generally wear in hot weather, and it ranged from shorter shorts to basically exposed backs 4. Every single girl who was not fully clothed, from the most attractive to the most ugly, all received all kinds of attention from the men: men following them, men looking at them intently and up and down, men making comments, men offering free goods, men asking their parents regarding how many camels they would accept for their daughter, etc. 5. The girls returned to the cruise ship all feeling violated in some way 6. Had they all been fully clothed, this problem would not have been as acute if it existed at all! 7. When these men look at fully clothed women day in and day out, and then these American girls come baring thigh, leg, shoulder, back, and other areas, why should we be surprised to see that they receive this attention? The girls, after all, are basically asking for it! 8. The only difference between Turkey and the USA is that men are trained to be more conditioned to see such things here, and the men are more restrained in how they handle women not fully clothed D. Having seen such things, let us explore the problem a bit deeper and more personally V. Female Modesty: Clothing Survey Results A. Beforehand a survey was mentioned that was given to men B. A good part of this survey asked men regarding what types of clothing have caused them to struggle with the temptation to lust, and what it was about the clothing that fostered that temptation C. Skirts: Norwalk 87%; Online 85% 1. The major factor here was shortness-- above the knee 2. Tightness was also a factor mentioned consistently D. Khakis: Norwalk 8%; Online 48% 1. While this result tended to surprise me personally, the fact that many appealed to their tightness helps me to understand why many men struggle with the temptation! E. Sweat Pants: Norwalk 23%; Online 44% 1. Tightness, again, was a major factor 2. Some also commented on how writing is placed upon the rear of sweat pants which of course directs the eye to that area, and how that was a temptation F. Jeans: Norwalk 77%; Online 85% 1. With jeans, tightness was the main difficulty 2. Low-cut waists and the exposure of the back was also mentioned G. Shorts: Norwalk 70%; Online 89% 1. Again, as with skirts, the main story here is shorts above the knee 2. Tightness again is a factor H. Shirts: Norwalk 31%; Online 77% 1. The most consistent difficulty is in tightness I. Blouses: Norwalk 31%; Online 75% 1. While the difficulties of shirts also apply here, cleavage exposure was mentioned often 2. The sheer nature of many blouses was also mentioned J. Tank tops: Norwalk 46%; Online 84% 1. Tightness, low cut, navel exposure K. Tube tops: Norwalk 46%; Online 86% 1. Exposure and tightness L. Spaghetti straps: Norwalk 54%; Online 78% 1. Exposure of cleavage and shoulders M. Dresses: Norwalk 62%; Online 76% 1. Again, low cut and short are main difficulties 2. Tightness another N. On top of asking regarding what clothing caused the struggle, the men were asked where they saw women wearing the clothing that caused them to struggle 1. At the beach: Norwalk 77%; Online 84% 2. In the mall: Norwalk 85%; Online 96% 3. At a theme park: Norwalk 54%; Online 92% 4. Television: Norwalk 92%; Online 96% 5. Books: Norwalk 46%; Online 30% 6. In church: Norwalk 54%; Online 78% 7. At work: Norwalk 62%; Online 78% 8. At school: Norwalk 70%; Online 82% 9. Movies: Norwalk 77%; Online 92% 10. Magazines/comics: Norwalk 54%: Online 86% 11. At home: Norwalk 15%; Online 22% 12. Around town: Norwalk 77%; Online 90% 13. Video games: Norwalk 23%; Online 44% 14. At the gym: Norwalk 54%; Online 72% 15. Other responses included at restaurants, on the Internet, and sadly, "teens at Bible study" O. Men were also polled regarding issues of temptation when dating 1. 54% of men in Norwalk and 52% online admitted that they went on a date where their date was wearing clothing that was not as modest as it should have been 2. 85% of men in Norwalk and 58% online said that they never requested that their date not wear revealing clothing; while many of those men perhaps never had an need to say such things, some did admit that they liked it when their date wore immodest clothing 3. Finally, 46% of men in Norwalk and 37% online thought perhaps that what their date was wearing was causing another to struggle VI. Female Modesty: The Relevance A. Why bring all these numbers up? B. Women, these numbers are here to tell you that the men are having problems, and the majority are admitting to you that part of the problem is what you are wearing C. Returning to some key numbers: over half of the men polled in Norwalk have said that they have struggled in the assembly because of what women have been wearing! D. Vast majorities of men have struggles with skirts, jeans, shorts, shirts, and tank tops! E. Dresses are likewise presenting some difficulties! F. Women, please consider 1 Timothy 2:9 and Romans 14:13 1. Yes, men also should wear appropriate and modest clothing... 2. ...but there is a reason why Paul mentions women, and we have spoken about that reason today! 3. Women need to avoid being too extravagant in their clothing and being too skimpy in their clothing 4. While you yourself may not see the problem with what you are wearing, if in reality what you are wearing is causing your brothers in the faith right here in Norwalk to struggle with temptation, is it worth wearing it? G. I know of no other way to effectively demonstrate the need for women to consider what they are wearing and whether it will unduly tempt men to stumble 1. The evidence is here and cannot be escaped: men are struggling with this 2. All we can ask of the women is whether they will try to be a help or a hindrance H. Women, please consider the types of clothing you wear in your life, both within and without the assembly, that you do not become a stumbling-block to your brethren VII. Conclusion A. We have seen today the nature of the temptation for men to sin by looking upon a woman to lust B. We have seen that men do struggle with the need to keep pure in eyes and mind, and how it is very easy for them to get caught in the sin of lusting for a woman C. We have seen that women are often complicit, either intentionally or unintentionally, based on the way they dress D. Men, let us strive to do better to remain pure in sight and mind E. Women, please do the best you can to help men remain pure and not put a stumbling-block in their way F. Songbook/invitation G. If you are not a Christian, recognize that you are right now separated from God and in danger of destruction (Romans 6:23, 2 Thessalonians 1:6-9) 1. You can avoid that fate today! 2. Come in obedient faith to Christ H. Or perhaps you are a Christian and either need to make your life right with God or simply require encouragement to keep fighting the good fight of faith I. Whatever you may need, please come to the front as we stand and sing